Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
