Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Randomize
