Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
