Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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