When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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