I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
