I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
