I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
