I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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