Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Randomize
