he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
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