don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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