Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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