She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Randomize
