So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Randomize
