It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
