Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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