Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
