my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize