tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
