By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
