I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Randomize
