I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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