This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
