If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
