I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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