Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Randomize
