Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
