So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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