she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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