OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
