It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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