wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Randomize
