That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
