I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize