I wish I only lived at night.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
