i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
