i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
