omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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