I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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