Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
