i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize