I love black thongs
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
