i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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