on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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