The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
