woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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