So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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