There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
