Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
