Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Randomize
