We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
