To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
