The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
