Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
