so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
i will never coherently bang her
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
