we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize