Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
