Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
two words: eviction party
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
