She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
