I like my sex mixed with concussions.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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