you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
