so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Acid is not a monday night drug
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
