You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize