Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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