I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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