I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize