Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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