Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Randomize
