we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Randomize
