So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
