I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
