Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
