batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
